We learned about switching registers, which I was already aware of, just didn’t know what it was called. I have noticed how I act different with other people, just as knowing people wouldn’t act the same way with me with someone else. Though it shouldn’t, it bothers me, I should be okay with the idea that they act this way towards me. Could just be me overthinking this, but I know their intentions are genuine so I shouldn’t worry. It’s just how it works, you act accordingly to what you think is the right way to act around someone. Which with what we learned yesterday brought up my social anxiety again, it really feels like a phoney excuse at this point. But I just can’t bring myself to talk to someone I haven’t spoken to before, barely able to start a conversation with my own friends. I let myself get this way, which brings me back of wondering how did I get like this? I’ve always been the shy one, but one thing can change a person’s whole life perspective into something else. For better or for worse, really, not saying at all that I’m proud being this quiet, nervous person. I’m just afraid that’s all, afraid that I’ll make a mistake. There’s been plenty of times I screwed up so when I actually succeed on something, I can’t believe it. Especially how much everyone bottles me up with compliments, it’s something else. It really helps on opening up more to others, most of this week I was unable to focus on something I didn’t really need to worry about. Which learning register switching helped me see that though they act the way they do with you, doesn’t mean they’re any different from who they are with you. I feel so off task this past week, which I shouldn’t be with the trimester ending fairly soon. This whole overthinking issue gets the best of me sometimes, I can’t apologize enough for it on my behalf.
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Though I was gone for two days helping with the K-12 pow wow, at first it doesn't seem like I learned much since we were mainly focusing on finishing our BQ my belief project. But I did learn how to write into another person's perspective instead of my own for once that wasn't so difficult. I also found that things can be far easier if you start from the beginning and build your way up on finishing something. I find it hard to come up with more to say since I keep drawing a blank of what we really learned this week. Wednesday and Thursday were very hectic on me so I have forgotten what we really did the two days prior to leaving. Though I may be still exhausted from the two days of work, I can still recall that the picture notes did honestly help on taking notes better. You can still look back and refresh your perspective and get into character better. Though I wish I had a better answer on what I truly learned this week other than the fact I'm very well on serving frybread than compared to last year's serving lemonade. Perhaps it's the fact I stressed myself over little things and lost what we learned in class, because I know I learned a lot more than what I'm typing. I just the matter of time of fully reflecting, which might take me longer than others too. This is the best that I can provide as of right now, I apologize, I need time to rest for a moment. Next week will be better, it will be since I'll be here everyday unless something comes.
I spent most of my time writing notes for the book The Alchemist throughout this week, normally I forget what I learned from over the week and need to look back and reflect to remind myself since it sometimes go over my head. But I’ve been finding writing fiction isn’t all easy as it seems, the only thing I can put my full emotions and time into writing is from personal experience. When I attempted writing fiction, it was difficult, I couldn’t picture it right, I couldn’t get the words down. Using the writing prompts are very helpful though, especially the “I remember” prompt. Though I have to admit I went somewhere close to my heart and nearly teared up just writing about it. I’ve never really talked about it really, let alone write it out. They say you need to let it out in some sort of healthy way to get some closure and move on. From My Belief project, explained it vaguely of what truly happened and what I experienced. But I never wanted to go into details, never wanted to remember it. This class is really amazing, this class has helped me open up completely, it’s like a free therapy session aha. I hate how depressing some of my things have been, I’ve tried my best to stay cheerful and put the past aside. But these poems everyday, some of them truly make you think, and a lot of them touched my heart. At first when starting this class I had a negative output about it, trying to repress my emotions. But this class, has helped me with something I never knew I needed help with. I have been saying that a lot in these reflective learning blogs, but it’s true. Everyday I learn something from someone else’s perspective, showing us to to truly grow as people. I’m sure everyone has different outlooks on this class, but everyone is different. I’ve learned to know that it’s okay to open up, that no one’s going reject it. A lot of people have actually loved my work, including the My Belief project, and it still astounds me how much people have never found my work anything less than something beautiful. I’m still finding it overwhelming, with all the compliments and praise the past couple of weeks. I’m hoping for my creative these next 6 weeks I have a nice writing piece that doesn’t seem too gloomy. I’ll go for a more happier time in my life, I want something I can show my family without bringing bad memories. This week, we spent most of our time reading. Though as it may, I felt like I learned a few things. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a purpose for reading, though more like, taking the chance to learn something new.. So maybe experience? That’s not a suitable word either, so learning must be the word. The Alchemist has given so much great advice on life, especially on never giving up and pursuing what it is you want in life. I speaks to me personally because despite how much I tried staying in my comfort zone, my father has been constantly helping me see what it is that I need to do to be happy in life. He gives a lot of life advice from past experience, and just like this book, they might not be worded the same, but the meaning is very similar. Though I have to go back and reread a page or two when I zone out, I’ve been taking the best of notes of what is relevant to my Big Question. I may not have found my ‘personal legend’ right away, but I have found the direction that I want to go in and I’m not letting anything stop me from doing so. There’s so many opportunities and risks out there, and it’s the matter of risking it for what you want to do, for You. I’m just so thankful for all the opportunities that have been given and continue to come my way, it’s something you can’t ignore. Something Schoenborn said that really opened up something, something I had an idea of what but never said it out loud. Some people put walls/barriers around their hearts to avoid being vulnerable, so you don't get hurt. Which is what I've been doing for the longest time, still am without fully recognizing that I am until recently. It's why I love this class, I've been opening up with things I never told anyone before, weight I've been holding onto for years without closure. That's why at first I felt uncomfortable, I felt so exposed, because these were so hidden for the longest time. But now that I've let it out, told my story, I feel like I got so much weight off my shoulders. Though I'm a little of hesitant on opening up to people, I know it's a great way for people to get to know. Why I am the way I am, how I got this far, and just see me for me. I never had any therapy from all the events that happened in the past when I know I should, but with the help of friends supporting me, that's all I needed to continue. It's why I was able to finish this project, because I was struggling at first, and they all supported me telling me I could do it. We all been supporting & caring for each other when we all feel stumped, it's really something I never truly thought that I'd ever really experience. So I thank you for your teaching and helping us get our stories out, it's helped tremendously on my part, even when I didn't see it at first.We spent most our time working on our Wevideos for My Belief project, and I have been on stressed about the project still. Though after a good support of my friends I managed to continue working on it, getting a lot of progress done too! As well for creative writing, at first, for some reason it didn’t click that we could write anything. So I’ve been writing from past experiences, or well, a story of what happened a few years ago. It helped though, it was something I never got off of my chest. Something I bottled up without any type of closure from it, with this opportunity I finally opened up completely. I’m sure next creative writing will be more of the lines fictional this time, though I don’t consider myself a good writer, it never hurts to try! I really need to stop myself from quitting before even attempting something, especially being quite the perfectionist. I know giving my all will be good enough, I’m trying to put the things that are blocking me away and work on bettering myself. Because I know that I can do so much more than this, I’m just holding back, afraid. When I shouldn’t be, so I’m going keep a positive attitude and find good solutions to any problems in the future. I know I take longer on these assignments because I assume that it won’t go work anyways and try delaying it further when that only damages my grade and my esteem for doing work. Which I am not going to let happen again!This week we’ve learned on how to use wevideo, or at least I have. It’s something completely new to me, I never had never really done something like this. Video editing. It’s so time consuming and not really my thing, yes I want it to look perfect, but all this work. It burns me out quick. Stuff like this makes me blank out and find it difficult to continue doing, I lost days this week from this stress I put myself on for it. Didn’t even realize it was friday, still behind on this video so I’m thankful we got more time. But I don’t know if I can finish it by then, all of this makes me feel inadequate still. English was never my sort of thing, but this class has given a better opportunities than any other english teacher has and I’m too grateful for that. I hope to get better at this and no short circuit over tasks like these again. This class has brought up old memories I’ve tried putting behind me with these deep, meaningful poems and stories we see everyday. They had a real effect on me, bringing back so many emotions you try hiding for the longest time. I like to think it as a way of telling me I need to get it out so I can finally get closure and really move on from the past. I used to stay put in the past, trying to grasp my old memories of when times were far easier than they are now. This My Belief essay/project brought back so much, and I don’t know whenever to hold onto that or just let it go.
To be perfectly honest, I don’t remember much of what happened this week. It’s been a blur of stress I put myself in, I have this annoying tendency to overthink simple things and being a perfectionist, I want everything perfect. When it doesn’t, I feel inadequate. That goes along with writing an essay that felt too personal too me, going out of my comfort zone completely. I’ve been losing days about this, I exhaust myself to not get the motivation to even work on the project. I admit to procrastinating on the project till the very last minute, I just felt like it wouldn’t turn out right. Like the way I intended it too be. I know I’m over exaggerating quite a bit, but it felt like we spent most of our time this week working on the My Belief project. I’ve been pulling myself thin this week and it only feels like I haven’t accomplished anything. Though I did finish recording my voice I was so happy that I could shout hallelujah. This video editing though.. Doesn’t sound pleasing at all. But I’ll give it my best shot, though showing something like this too the class. I don’t know if I can do that, had a handful of anxiety attacks at the thought.
I don’t mean to sound so depressing but I have been doing my utmost to make this work, really, just this went out of my comfort zone all too quick. But it was the only belief I could think of, and I felt like I needed to get this out. Honestly, I don't remember much of this week. It's all a blur, with recovering from a cold in the middle of it, I vaguely remember much. But I know the main point was telling our story and how it could affect others in a positive and/or negative way, it all depends on people take it and how the writer tells it. Now personally, I don't think I could do well with storytelling. But that's all because I stop myself before even trying, I stay in my comfort zone. But up until recently I've been trying to get out of it, bits at a time, but surely. Sometimes I overgo and end up shelling back up again. But I'm not giving up in this class because of anxiety, you can only hold that as an excuse for so long before you've got to conquer it, otherwise your preventing yourself to grow. But talking in front of the class is still something I can't bring myself to do. Yeah I can say something short, but saying my opinion is a whole different story. I get enough anxiety being in the hallways in between classes. But I'm working on it, though to be perfectly honest I don't see my talking in front of the class or let alone saying something outloud for the class to hear is something I'm not capable of as of right now. With discussing on what happened this week, it was different. In a good way, normally wouldn't have a class so unique? That's what I'm sticking with as of the moment, but really the everyday poetry, the appropriate technology use, and the freedom we get as a class is absolutely fantastic! We were given great advice these four past days, along with great ways to help us grow/develop as people.
I do hope to achieve to work on my creative writing skills, or writing in general really. See how much better I can grow in English, since normally I'm not one to enjoy such a class. But I have good faith that I'll grow to like the class, since we've got plenty of chances to succeed in this class. I believe my participation was fairly well, minus me hiding under the table to avoid speaking in front of the class. Yes it was over exaggerated, but sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and I do work on getting better with that. It was straining enough to tell the class that one of the things I don't want to forget that got me up to this point was the good friends that I made in high school and actually want the best for me as I for them. Though with a good friend in the class I'm sure to be more open and social in that hour, which helps tremendously to interact more with others. On my understanding, it's clear what needs to be done and knowing it's my responsibility to do so. |
AuthorA simple person who simply loves fandoms and drawing. Archives
November 2016
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